While we would like to believe that broken wedding engagements only happen in the movies and in songs, the fact of the matter is that real people do break their engagements to one another. And even at a time like this, there is a proper etiquette to how it happens.
First, if you have any doubts, make them known as soon as possible. Even if you are not sure you want to call the engagement off, the sooner you talk to your fiancé about your concerns, the better. You may be able to work the problem out, and if not, the sooner plans can be put on hold, the less costly and embarrassing the ordeal will be. That being said, if you feel you must break you engagement even as late as the day of the wedding, then do it. While a broken engagement is a hard thing, a divorce is even harder.
Second, once the engagement is broken, the ring belongs to someone. If the man broke the engagement off, the would-have-been bride is entitled to keep the ring. The idea behind this is that the bride’s family traditionally pays for the wedding and the cost of the broken engagement is somewhat paid for by the value of the engagement ring. While this might not be the case in today’s world, the woman still should have the choice to keep the ring if the man is breaking it off, regardless of who was paying. If the women breaks off the engagement, she should return the ring to the would-have-been groom. This is only fair, as the woman made the choice and therefore should (by tradition) still be responsible for the cost of the wedding plans. This traditional setup has the backing of the law. There have been cases where the person who broke the engagement has successfully been sued for either not returning or forcefully taking the ring back.
Third, inform family first, then friends. The families of both parties involved should be informed first before the friends of both parties. This insures that none of the relatives hear about the broken engagement from any other sources.
Fourth, the invitations must be canceled. If invitations have already been sent, cancellation notices must be sent as well. They should be worded similarly to the invitations. For example, “Mr. & Mrs. John Doe regret to inform you that the marriage of their daughter, Jane Doe, to Joe Smith will not take place.”
Fifth, return the gifts. If any gifts have been sent they must be returned with a thank you card.
Sixth, keep it civil and polite. While it may be difficult to do after an engagement is broken off, do not talk down about the other person. Remember, your engagement was made because you both felt something deep for each other. It is just best to say that the broken engagement was a mutual decision and leave the matter at that.